Life and Regret
by MysticVeil
Summary: Living with regret is hard. Forgiving yourself is impossible. When you are the reason someone dear to you is dead, how could you possibly forgive yourself?


_Prim was running. She was running through the forest, her long blonde hair had come loose of her braids. She was frightened, like a deer I had once shot. She continued running, and then stopped and looked at me. _

"_Gale! Help me!" she screamed. I tried to go to her, but my feet were glued to the ground. I could only stare… and then I saw the wall of fire behind her. _

"_Prim! Prim, run! Run!" I screamed__. But she wouldn't move. Tears streamed down her face… and the fire started to engulf her…_

My eyes shot open and I lay in bed, gasping. Beside me, Aleata groaned and turned over so her back was to me. I began hyperventilating, and couldn't stop for a few moments. As quietly as I could, I stood and tip-toed to my dresser to pull in a pair of pants. I looked back at Aleata, who was still sleeping on the bed. Her long, black hair was strewn over the pillows and some fell across her forehead and the blankets covered most of her caramel skin. I carefully pulled up the blanket up to her chin and kissed her on the head, and then walked out to the kitchen. It was still pitch black out, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep after dreaming that particular dream. I shuddered as I remembered the wall of fire descending onto little Prim… and sometimes I saw her go up in flames. I walked to the living room and plopped on the couch, tears streaming down my face as I remembered little, delicate Prim. I am the reason she is dead. I designed the bomb that killed her. It's my fault she is dead… it will always be my fault and I will never be able to forget, much less forgive myself. How could you possibly forgive yourself when you do something like that? You can't. I am almost glad Katniss didn't want me. Seeing her only reminds me of Prim. Even with the blessing of finding Aleata doesn't heal the pain. Her sweet and shy nature reminds me of Prim, but I love Aleata too much to leave her. I could never leave her. I have never told Aleata about Prim, maybe I should. Aleata was with us in District 13, and she was a good healer, like Prim. Thankfully, she was very sick the day… the day that horrible event happened. But, unlike others in District 13, she is a fantastic listener and a wonderful giver of advice. She is everything to me and every day I thank God that she wasn't sent out that day with Prim.

"Gale?"

Aleata is behind me. She snuck up on me; she has never been able to do that before. I have always been able to hear her, even with her quiet footsteps. She sits on the arm of the couch, her knees drawn up to her chest and her head resting on her arms. She watches me for a while.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"I… I need to… Need to tell you something." I say. And it all comes out. Prim, what I had done, who I lost, what was lost, and how I can barely stop thinking about her. She remained silent, but listened carefully. I was sobbing by the end of it. Aleata slipped off the arm of the couch and was sitting beside me, her arms wrapped around me.

"Gale, what happened wasn't your fault." She told me, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

"I created the bomb-"

"Would she have wanted you sad?"

"What?"

"You know very well what I said. I talked to her, she told me about you all the time. She cared about you, and I can tell you, she wouldn't have wanted you to be sad, to live your life in regret. She wants you to live, Gale. And not only live, live happily. Everyone has done things they regret. You can't change the past; you can only learn from it and remember those we have lost." She told me.

I understood. I kissed Aleata, and then rose from my spot and went outside. I walked into the bit of forest outside our house until I found what I was looking for, a late-evening Primrose. It hadn't bloomed for the three years we have been here. That didn't help me at all. I stared at the Primrose, which was cast under a beautiful, soft moon light.

"I'm sorry, Prim. I miss you more than I can ever say, and I am so sorry for what I did to you. Please… please forgive me." I whispered.

Right before my eyes, even in the late night, the rose opened up to its full beauty. I was shocked, no, more than shocked. This has never happened before… I didn't know it was possible. But it did, the proof was right in front of me, a beautiful, fully bloomed Primrose. Does that mean she forgives me? Aleata had stepped up behind me without me hearing again. She slipped her hand in mine and she leaned on my shoulder. She stared at the Primrose, and then glanced up at the night sky, grinning as if she could see someone.

"See? She wants you to be happy, Gale." She said.

I glanced up at the moon. It was full today, and it was whiter than ever. To me, the sun had always been like Katniss, full of fire, always commanding attention, whereas the moon is like Prim; soft, fair and gentle. I smiled at the moon.

_Goodbye, sweet Prim. _

I will live my life happily. I will never forget those we have lost and I will not push away those I have learned to love. Thank you, Prim, for being forgiving, and teaching even after you are gone. You will never be forgotten, I promise you.


End file.
